You Found Me
by QuixoticLullaby
Summary: Songfic. Dean ponders his situation and God while on the brink of the apocalypse. Why does He choose now to become a presence in Dean's life and what he's supposed to feel about it. Rated 'T' for language.


Ello loves! I've had this little bunny running around in my head for a bit, so I just decided to run with it. =D The song is called "You Found Me", by "The Fray" and it is one amazing song that I've always been able to relate to Dean and Sam. So enjoy darlings, hope it isn't too bad.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural and I don't own the song, otherwise I'd be a lot richer and you'd all be more scarred for life. =)

* * *

_I found God  
__On the corner of First and Amistad  
__Where the west  
__Was all but won  
__All alone  
__Smoking his last cigarette  
__I said "where you been"  
__He said "ask anything"_

When this whole mess started with God, Angels, Castiel, the whole shebang, I asked him why he was here. He said 'to help', but then I stopped to think about it and I asked another question:

"Where were you?" All this time…

_Where were you  
__When everything was falling apart?  
__All my days  
__Were spent by the telephone  
__It never rang  
__And all I needed was a call  
__It never came  
__To the corner of First and Amistad_

He looked confused in that way of his and I felt the bitter need to elaborate.

"Where were you, where was God for that matter when our whole family was sinking faster than the damned Titanic? Where was _God _when I was being dragged to hell? When Sammy died?" There was an uncomfortable silence, but I was glad. God damnit I was furious. "You all never seemed to pay us much mind when the shit was hitting the fan, why is now any different?" I asked almost desperately.

I knew Sammy had prayed all his life. Prayed for me, prayed for dad even, but it never made any difference, we all died, we all went to hell and paid our dues and where the fuck was _God_ through all this? Sam was always willing to believe in a God that I thought was either rubbish, or, even if He existed, he had never done _anything_ to ease the suffering of his "children". What the hell kind of father is that? Sam had spend his whole life calling out for some kind of intervention in this shitty life of ours, some kind of peace for us after all this bullshit, but it never came.

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me_

So you've pulled me out of hell, great. I should just throw myself to the ground with praises for pulling me out of the pit just for your selfish purposes of stopping the apocalypse, not just because I didn't deserve to be there, because I was a good man. Of course there's an ultimatum, some merciful, just God there. And they expect me to believe that they're the good guys when they threaten to kill my brother and force me into their schemes. Well now you've got me on the hook, you say nothing's going to happen to me? You're too late, I've lost everything I've ever loved. My father, my brother, my life…

_In the end  
__Everyone ends up alone  
__Losing her  
__The only one who has ever known  
__Who I am, who I'm not, who I want to be  
__No way to know how lost you will be next to me_

When I lost Sammy, my entire world collapsed. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I could only think about how he was gone, and how I'd failed at the one thing that dad had always trusted me with. Where were you when that happened? If I was so important, why let me sell my soul? If you care so fucking much why do you let these things happen to your children. Sam is the only person who has ever known me, ever known anything about me really. Even dad, he never really paid attention to who I was as a person. So you want to "stop" Sam and then you expect me to just obey you like a puppet on strings, is that it? Because you sons of bitches have another thing coming if that's what you think.

_Lost and insecure  
__You found me, you found me  
__Lying on the floor  
__Surrounded, surrounded  
__Why'd you have to wait?  
__Where were you, where were you?  
__Just a little late  
__You found me, you found me_

So you've found me now. You expect me to feel honored to be 'selected' by you winged demons to be your errand boy. You couldn't have done it at a more opportune time, like when we were all bleeding and crying out to you? You left us in the dark all this time. What the hell were you waiting for, an engraved invitation to remove us from this cesspool of a life? Well you say you're here now? I say you're too late.

_Early morning  
__The city breaks  
__I've been calling  
__For years and years and years and years  
__And you never left me no messages  
__And never sent me no letters  
__You've got some kind of nerve  
__Taking all I want_

Sam's been praying to you since she knew what praying was. I've even called out a few times in desperation, never really expecting much, but it certainly would have been appreciated. You never sent me anything, no breaks, no signs, nothing to even indicate you existed. Nothing to ever show you gave a rat's ass about my family. You've got some kind of nerve walking into my life now, ordering me around, taking Sam from me. When you had me in that room, you said Sam had a part to play in the apocalypse, he starts it. You son of a bitch how dare you toy with us this way! If I could punch you and kick your smirking face into next week so help me I would.

_Lost and insecure  
__You found me, you found me  
__Lying on the floor  
__Where were you, where were you?_

I've only got one question for you and your _God_. Was all this suffering in your plan? Everything that ever happened to my family was all some elaborate mechanism to jump start your end of the world. And you expect me to believe in some all mighty, merciful God? You've got to be fucking kidding me.

_Lost and insecure  
__You found me, you found me  
__Lying on the floor  
__Surrounded, surrounded  
__Why'd you have to wait?  
__Where were you, where were you?  
__Just a little late  
__You found me, you found me_

_Why'd you have to wait  
__To find me, to find me._

So now as I stand here, with Sam, as the world crumbles around us and Lucifer prepares to rise, I have to ask myself. Where the hell are you? I know Zachariah said you had "left the building", but if you're there…please…find me now.

* * *

Hope you liked it. Reviews are like toasty smores and hot cocoa on a cold winter's day. Review, it makes the world go 'round. =)


End file.
